


Do you feel it too?

by missliberal



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 15:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4227738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missliberal/pseuds/missliberal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>dan is getting feelings for phil again, OH NO but oh yes please. but yknow, phil’s being a real dick about it so yeah read it please!!!!!!!!111??!</p><p>Do you feel it too, Phil? Do you feel the electric currents when we touch or the tenderness in the stolen looks? I need to know, Phil. I need to know whether you feel it too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do you feel it too?

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: nothing much for this one. um there’s swearing, mentions of sexy activities, and alcohol?? i seem to be doing a lot of this. uh well basically sadness
> 
> word count: 857, comfortable amount :)

Do you feel it too, Phil? Do you feel the electric currents when we touch or the tenderness in the stolen looks? I need to know, Phil. I need to know whether you feel it too.

Do you feel the underlying primal urge to fuck me senseless too? Is that just me? Yet, do you feel the need to cuddle me until I can’t breathe? I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know who I am if you aren’t with me.

Please remind me why we aren’t together anymore. Please tell me. Let me see… when was it? Oh, June! It was June. It was June when you walked out on me, walked out on us. It was June, 2011 when you decided that your reputation was more important that our relationship. It was June when you kissed me and told me you loved me. It was June when you told me that I ruined you.

You know when you love someone so much that it hurts? It physically hurts you to look at him, let alone think about him. It’s that kind of love I feel for you. The kind of love that swallows you whole, the kind that is so scary that you don’t want to face it. It’s a huge monster tearing you apart at the seams, and you love it. It’s mind-boggling amounts of pain you can’t get enough of and I need to know you feel it too Phil.

Do you feel the tears I cry at night over you? I think you do. You’ve been so present in my life that you are intrinsically woven into every inch of my being, so I’m sure you do. Everything I do you are in my head and I hate it so much, because I don’t know if you feel it too.

You came into my room while I was editing a video. You sat on my bed and buried your face in your palms. After about five minutes, you looked up. Your eyes were red and puffy but I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more.

“Dan, I…”

“Yep?“

"I… I don’t know… Can we -”

“Mhmm?”

“I… I just - fuck it.”

Then you just walked out. I know what you were going to say. We both do. Why didn’t you, Phil? Because now, I’ll know. I’ll go on as usual, we both will, that I’m positive of. We’ll sit on the couch together watching our anime of the week, I’ll make you coffee and you’ll prepare my cereal, and we’ll continue our lives. But all the time, I’ll know that you know. And at one point, it’ll have eating away at me so entirely that I’ll be broken beyond recognition so you need to tell me now, Phil. Just say it.

Do you feel it too, Phil? I don’t know anymore. You’ve been getting more and more distant, Phil. You answer my questions with one-word replies and you barely get out of your room. You’ve been reeking of scotch and all it’ll take is a few words and we can end this whole thing, or it could be the start of something amazing and please just tell me please.

You came out of your room, staggering towards me. You had a bottle of whiskey in your hand and I wonder how you found it; I had hidden it the previous day. “Dan, I love you. Dan, I love you, I’m so sorry Dan.”

You were sobbing, and I felt so badly for you. “I’m such a fuck-up Dan, I’m so sorry.” You kept saying you were sorry over and over, your sadness spilling out of you like a cork coming off a wine bottle.

You fell into my arms and buried your face into my neck, “I love you so much, I hate myself, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” repeatedly coming out of your mouth. I took you to my room and you lay beside me, burying yourself under the duvet. You pulled it up to your chin, and fell asleep almost instantaneously. I stared at you for a good hour, watching the small intakes of breath, the tiny hiccups, everything that I missed about sleeping beside you.

It’s been twelve hours, so I wake you up. You’re a little disoriented, and I find myself laughing. I hear myself laughing, laughing and laughing, from far away, and I look at you through the haze and you’re smiling. You’re smile is sad and old. You pull me to you and whisper in my ear, “You know everything I said was true, right?”

“I know. I feel it too.”


End file.
